Screw You
by Caffiene
Summary: Short, pointless one-shot. After Twilight, though there's only one spoiler, for Haunted. Paul and Suze have an insult war during music history class. Kind of funny; kind of cute; 101 percent pointless. "T" for a few swears and "adult" references.


_**Disclaimer: I'm not Meg Cabot. DON'T RUB IT IN.**_

**_Notes: This is just a really pointless little one-shot. I mean, seriously pointless. I'm not entirely sure why I wrote it; I was just bored. And it's really, really, _really _short. I don't know; you don't have to read it. But, if you, I hope you like it. _**

_**Tiff**_

"Miss Simon, would you please consider gracing us with consciousness?"

My head jolted up when a ruler slammed at my desk. _Ugh_. Stupid music history professor. For your information, I was up all last night studying for _your _class. A class which I was forced to take, by the way. God, why would I, Suze Simon, psych major and average non-nerdy DLU freshman, be interested in music history? I can't play a freaking ukulele, thank you very much.

But I didn't say that. God, I'm such a wimp. No, what I said was, "Sorry, Professor Hurley. My dorm-mates were up partying last night. I couldn't sleep."

Well, part of that was true. They _had _been partying. But I'd been safe within my room, which I'd soundproofed the first week with Styrofoam. I'm just not the party type.

"Well, Miss Simon, I certainly hope you weren't participating in such festivities. And on a Monday night! I swear..."

Professor Hurley and her giant body waddled off to the front of the classroom.

"Too bad you didn't join us, Suze," hissed a voice in my ear. After years of this, I was totally used to it. Chills hardly ran up my spine when it happened. And Paul and I were cool, now. Not great friends, or whatever, but fine. I kept my composure and simply raised my middle finger over my shoulder to where Paul was sitting. Kind of angrily; kind of teasingly. He chuckled and pressed my hand back down onto my loose leaf note paper. "Ah, feisty as always. You'd be the life of the party, Susie."

"Paul," I said warningly, still a bit of humour in my voice. "Don't call me that. I'll break your nose, I swear to God."

I could feel his smirk. "I think I've built an immunity to that."

"Just like you've built an immunity to Viagra?"

Okay, at first glance, that seems like a bad joke. But I swear it's a gem. Think about it: if you use an antibiotic way too much, it becomes ineffective. So I was implying that he used Viagra so much it didn't work anymore.

...Get it?

Oh, bugger off.

Paul, the ever-witty guy he is, hit me where it hurt. "Oh, you'd know."

I spun my head around and glared at him. "_What_?" I demanded.

He grinned. "You heard me."

"I thought I told you _never _to bring up junior year again, Slater. And how would I know? We _kissed_. Little mister Sex God of Carmel never got past second base with Susie Simon, thanks."

I wasn't exactly pissed at him, but I was a little mad, and my voice had risen from a whisper to normal speech. Paul was smirking at me with an eyebrow raised, and half the class was watching us in awe. I just knew what they were thinking- _Oh, God, Slater and Simon did it! La-de-freakin'-da!_

"Um," I said quietly. "Oops."

"_Miss Simon_!" shouted Professor Hurley, her double-chin shaking with rage. "I would appreciate it if you and Mr. Slater refrained until after class to discuss the goings-on of your tongues."

Paul was now grinning widely. I glared at him. "Nothing," I said loudly, "Is going on with our tongues. Nothing has been going on with our tongues since eleventh grade, and even then it was certainly not mutual. He, like, mouth-raped me."

Paul seemed unphased. Still grinning- how come he can look so hot even when he's being a bastard? -he said, "Suze, women don't usually respond the way you did when they're being _raped_."

A few male whoops echoed through the classroom. My tongue went dry, and I could feel my cheeks enflame. How was I supposed to respond to _that_?

"Oh yeah?" I choked. "Well...screw you, Paul."

Oh, smooth, Suze. _Real _smooth. He just grinned.

Professor Hurley cleared her throat. "Let's continue."

_**Ta-da! I told you it was pointless. Kind of cute, though, right?**_

_**Okay, maybe not. :P**_

_**Review anyways. Bye.**_


End file.
